A New Game Plan: My Breast Cancer Story

By Kim Williams, Head Coach, Wesleyan University @wes_wlax

On December 17, 2019, I picked up my phone and heard two words that have redefined my life: breast cancer. I remember thinking, “How could it be? I am a young, healthy, active, and strong woman. I am a college lacrosse coach. I am a new mother. How could I have breast cancer?”

 Photo courtesy of Wesleyan Athletics.

In the weeks that followed, I had several tests, procedures and doctors’ appointments. After undergoing a double mastectomy on January 29, I was officially diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. It was aggressive, but there were only two spots of micro invasion, so this was a good prognosis. I was lucky.

This week, the NESCAC coaches are hosting our Coaches vs. Cancer games. As part of this event, all of the teams are also raising money in my name to donate to the American Cancer Society. Although we are a very competitive conference, the support that I’ve felt from my colleagues and other teams across the NESCAC is amazing. Lacrosse gives us a platform to use our voice when it’s needed most, and I hope that telling my story will help raise awareness. As we head into the week, I thought it was important to show my strength, honesty and realness. So, although my cancer journey is far from over, I wanted to share my story and tell you what I have learned throughout this process. ­­

Lesson #1 – Don’t play scared!

Fear can be paralyzing. Although I haven’t started other treatments yet, my recovery from surgery was not as difficult to overcome as I feared. The physical pain has actually been the easy part for me, while the emotional rollercoaster has been by far the most difficult. My immediate fear was that I may not be there for my son, Jackson, who just celebrated his first birthday, and how my situation was going to impact him. I feared having to tell my family and friends and my team of 35 young women who have been working countless hours preparing for the 2020 season that their coach has breast cancer. I was also fearful of how my situation was going to burden others. But what I’ve learned is that I cannot live life with fear. As I tell my players every day on the field, “We cannot play scared,” and I need to remind myself that, now more than ever. I cannot live scared. I need to appreciate every moment. I need to be present. I need to stay positive. I need to live life to the fullest. I know that am going to overcome this challenging situation and be okay. Living in fear will not be an option for me.

Lesson #2 – Find your escape

Thank goodness for lacrosse! The timing of my diagnosis, recovering from surgery just as my season began and having to go through chemotherapy during the spring, is not ideal. However, I have also never been more grateful for lacrosse. Our first practice was February 15, and although that was about two weeks after my surgery and I was exhausted, I felt such an enormous amount of happiness being back on the field – breathing in the fresh air, being surrounded by a group of people giving it their all every step of the way, and finally feeling a sense of control again. Life felt normal. I was able to be a coach and do what I love. That was not taken from me. I may have crashed within 30-minutes of practice being over and stayed on my recliner for the next 12 hours, but it was all worth it. As cancer has taken over my world these past few months, having the opportunity to coach lacrosse, to be around my team, and to do what I love every single day is the absolute best distraction.

Lesson #3 – Our lacrosse world is AMAZING

Our lacrosse world is AMAZING. Holy cow. I have been completely overwhelmed by the amount of support that I have received these last two months. From flowers and gifts to cards, texts, calls and so much more, I feel so fortunate to be able to attack this challenge with an army behind me. My teammates from LIU, both former and current players and their parents, coaching colleagues from near and far, and my mentors and coaches have made me feel more supported and have given me more strength than I ever would have thought possible. My team has been so kind, compassionate, thoughtful, mature, and uplifting throughout all of this. The Wesleyan community, administration, coaches, and friends have been there for me from the moment they found out. Lacrosse has given me so much in life and brought me to where I am today. It has taught me countless life lessons, shaped me in so many ways, given me some of my greatest friends, taught me how to live life with passion and most importantly, it has given me all of you.

Lesson #4 – In both the brightest of moments and the darkest of days, lean on your circle 

And oh boy, I have! My people are the most incredible people. Between my assistant coaches, who are my rocks in both lacrosse and in life, my coaches and mentors who work endlessly to show me support, my best friends/teammates both from college and NJ who have gone above and beyond to be there for me, and most importantly my incredible family, especially my mom, who has dropped everything to be there for us through this time, I feel so lucky. Most importantly, my husband who has not missed a beat. He is a constant rock for our son, for me and I couldn’t imagine getting through all of this without him. How did I get blessed with such an amazing support system? My circle is strong, and they have been there for me through our biggest wins, toughest losses, and through all of my moments in life when I’ve needed them the most.

Lesson #5 – Be your own best advocate

We know our own bodies best. We need to take care of ourselves – go to the doctor, eat well, exercise, practice self-care, and advocate for yourself in times of need. Without getting into too many details, in October after an annual ultrasound of a lump in my breast, I was told that my concern over a change was probably due to my pregnancy and to come back in one year. After I couldn’t shake the bad feeling, I finally called and asked to come back in December. I was seen again, tests were performed and just a few days later, I received that unforgettable phone call. Breast cancer, or any cancer for that matter, does not discriminate. Young women can get breast cancer too, and we need to make sure we are doing what we can to spread awareness, perform self-exams, and push for early detection. If I can accomplish one thing through my situation, it is to promote the importance of advocating for yourself and in trusting your gut. I knew something wasn’t right and pushed for more. If I had waited longer, my prognosis would be very different. If you have a bad feeling, always remember to stand up for yourself!

As I prepare for my next stage of treatment, I feel nervous. I also feel strength, positivity, support and inspiration because of those around me. Just as I prepare for each game, I will need to organize my game plan, be ready for the ups and downs (physically and mentally), and stay patient through the process. I need to remind myself, during moments of fear, the importance of staying positive, how lucky I am that we caught it and how fortunate I am to have the most incredible support system. I know I am mentally strong, and that I will get through this. I know that although I will be fatigued in moments this season, I will still be able to coach and pursue my passions on the field with an incredible group of women. As I bring my story to a close, I want to thank everyone who has been there for me and remind everyone the importance of family and friends during both the good times and the bad. I also want everyone to know that this will not define me. I will continue to do what I love, and I will never give up during my fight. This is going to be just a bump on the very long road of life for me.